I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
