I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I love having hate sex.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
