I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I need moral support for this bender
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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