i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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