Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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