I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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