Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize