I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
