alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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