hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
