we have officially lost it.
My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
