i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
