My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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