nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
