i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
