A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
