I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
