Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
