I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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