I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
