he puts the penis in happiness.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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