I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
