I haven't been this sober since birth.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
