i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
