I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
