I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
