I'm going to jail i love you
Pants 0. Shit 1.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize