I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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