Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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