I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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