I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
