Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My bed smells like the plague
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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