I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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