great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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