dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize