Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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