During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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