I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
