My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
