He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
