he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
