guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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