she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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