ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I seem to have left my pride at pride
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
