Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize