Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
