hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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