i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize