i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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