I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
