I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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