saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
