im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
