Please, let me fuck your mom
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
