The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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