im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
