Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
