The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
