a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
