Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
