she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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