Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
