Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
