I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
