She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
