i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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