I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
